Where would you be without me?
Where would you be without me?
A Candorville comic strip
My wife and I have been married for ten years, so I’ve heard “where would you be without me?” a number of times. Early on, I would answer that question honestly. I was blissfully unaware that it was supposed to be rhetorical. She wasn’t interested in gaming out scenarios alternate-me was experiencing in alternate timelines. She simply wanted me to say I needed her in my life. That her presence had somehow changed me.
I have a vague recollection of the before-times — the year when I was single after the dissolution of my first marriage. During that year, I always seemed to know exactly what I wanted for dinner and what movie I wanted to watch. I also knew where my socks were at all times. I knew which outfits looked best on me, I knew how to decorate my home, and I knew what colors looked best on my walls. Ten years later, my wife’s begun informing me that I’ve apparently off-loaded most of those functions to her like she’s an external hard drive, to free up resources in my own brain for other mental computations. I think that’s one reason breakups (no, we’re not breaking up) leave us feeling untethered and hollowed out. We’ve lost our external hard drive and have to recreate the data we lost bit by bit.
Which is how a relationship is supposed to be, I guess. We each focus on what we do best. That’s probably why opposites attract. Person A is happy to let person B take charge of the aspects of their lives Person B is good at, because person A isn’t interested in mastering it anyway, and vice versa. Makeda hasn’t taken out the trash or plunged a toilet in a decade, and I think it’s been just as long since I knew where my clothes were without asking someone (and I know she’s been moving them around just to make sure I need her to find them — it’s the only logical explanation).
This is SO good. Thanks for writing that little piece.
My girlfriend and I have lived together almost 20 years. Fifty years ago we lived together for about five months before I left her to live in another state. Until we met three decades later and began living together once again, I'd lived alone — lots of girlfriends, but no one had any say in how I lived my life.
Once we reconnected, she took control of my life. How to dress, what foods were acceptable, why I should care about gardening, why regular exercise was important. She’s a Pilates goddess, so I received instruction on how to stand and walk, how to sit in my car to drive. I resented practically all of her instructions at first; but to avoid trouble at home I followed her advice. Everything she implored me to do was right.
Everything. I'm a much better man than I’d been because of the interest she took in me. I had been the most laid back person my friends knew before she came along; but there’s a fine line between “laid back” and “lazy.” Now I’m so motivated that I look forward to work and to getting stuff done at home. She made my life better. She transformed me. I could never revert back to the person I’d been when I was living alone because she showed me a much better path to follow.
Women should be in charge of everything. Kamala Harris becoming President will be the best thing that has ever happened for this country.
Married for 48 years but have been together 54 because we lived together for 5 1/2 years before we married. Blows both of our minds that we have lasted that long! Times change and over that time, people change. You have to put the work in and it’s not always balanced nor fair. There must be some collaboration between the two to make progress. Lord knows our marriage is hardly perfect but it’s manageable. Plus, we have a history of time and acceptance. Thanks Darrin.