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Breaking news from Earth 2:
Democratic lawmakers interrupted today’s joint session of Congress to deliver forceful and historic speeches condemning the Republican effort to certify Donald Trump’s election victory. Each speaker reiterated that the Supreme Court never overruled a Colorado court ruling that Donald Trump had participated in an insurrection against the United States, and that therefore he is disqualified from holding any office, as proscribed by the Fourteenth Amendment.
By the fifth speaker, Republicans had grown incensed and cut the microphones. A red-faced Speaker Johnson gaveled them out of order, at which point Minority leaders Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries rose and led the entire Democratic caucus out of the chamber, refusing to participate in what they called an illegitimate process.
Newly elected Oversight Committee chairwoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, whom Democrats overwhelmingly chose (because of course they did, the alternative would’ve been tone-deaf and idiotic), said “it doesn’t matter that we lost this battle. What matters is that we showed the American people that we’re not going to normalize this illegitimate presidency. We’re showing the American people that when we’re faced with what we’ve spent years insisting was a historic, existential threat, we will not submit to it willingly. We will fight every battle whether we win or lose, and hold the line until the American people - the cavalry - can join us to retake Congress in two years.
Meanwhile, here on Earth 1:
Congress swiftly and, without any objection from Democrats, certified Donald Trump’s election win. Move along. Nothing to see here.
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