The Big Beautiful Bill is the end of a dream
Today’s political cartoon and humor column
Scroll down below today’s cartoon to read a memo by King Baron Trump the First, leaked to CBS News, which has already agreed to settle out of court for an $83 million donation to King Baron’s “presidential library.”
📜 ROYAL MEMORANDUM
Office of His Majesty King Baron Trump I
Unified States of America
June 4, 2065
TO:
Supreme Chancellor of the Ministry of Re-Education
Department of Textual Purity and Historical Clarification
RE: Final and Eternal Edict on the Proper History of the Homeland
By My Royal Word, which is the Law and the Light, it is henceforth forbidden for any school, broadcast, pamphlet, or so-called “independent historian” to refer to the obsolete “Declaration of Independence” as the Founding Document of our Glorious Realm.
Let it be etched into every Loyal Subject’s mind that the Big Beautiful Bill of 2025 — the Divine Vision of my father, Donald the First and Forever — is, and shall forever be, the True Birth of the Homeland’s Second Golden Age. It was He Who Saw Clearly, Who taught a whining people to trade their petty entitlements for blessed subjugation. He who gave us walls in place of false hope, masked Watchmen in place of false friends.
My father’s wisdom set the stone foundation for all I have built — may his name be sung in every Denaturalization Court and recited before every loyalty pledge.
And I, King Baron Trump the First, his rightful heir — not those two witless older brothers (God rest their conveniently hollow skulls) — secured this Throne by proving that the bloodline’s true cunning resided in the youngest. Let it be known that the Kingdom was saved from their incompetent grasp, for no fools shall wear the Mask or wield the Crown.
Effective immediately:
Erasure of Sedition:
All references to “Democracy,” “Liberty,” “Equality,” or similar lies must be struck through in all textbooks, sermon feeds, and archival servers.
These disloyal words shall exist only within the Manual of Seditious Lies, displayed in the Hall of Treason, to be spat upon each year by loyal schoolchildren.
Mandatory Replacements:
Every depiction of the so-called “Founders” shall be replaced with holy images of my father signing the Big Beautiful Bill, flanked by the ICE Homeland Vanguard and the Sacred Mask.
“All men are created equal” shall henceforth read: “All Loyal Subjects are safest unequal.”
“Consent of the governed” shall be struck entirely and replaced with “Consent of the Crowned.”
Historical Celebration Days:
July Fourth shall no longer mark the treacherous “Declaration of Independence.” It shall henceforth glorify the signing of the Big Beautiful Bill — when the weak masses surrendered the poison of healthcare for the purity of eternal security.
Fireworks shall carry the ICE insignia and drone projections of my father’s signature across the night sky.
Punishments for Historical Sedition:
Any Loyal Subject caught praising “old freedoms” shall be remanded for immediate Re-Education.
Any teacher or parent found hoarding uncorrected texts shall forfeit Citizenship and face the Denaturalization Tribunal.
Remember: the greatest danger to the Homeland is the memory of what it was before it was made Perfect by my father — and secured by my hand. Salt the soil of the past so no weeds of false freedom may ever grow again.
Fail Me in this, Chancellor, and know: the Mask you serve will come for you next.
By My Hand and Seal,
Baron Trump I, King and Keeper of the Wall, Defender of the Beautiful Bill, Rightful Heir of Donald the First, Savior from the Idiot Brothers, Guardian of the Homeland